this beer tastes like vomit already
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
