he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
