I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
