That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
