If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
