Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
