that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
