Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
