wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
