What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
