Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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