I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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