i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The air was thick with penises
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
