I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
