is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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