How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
