im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
