you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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