I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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