This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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