I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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