I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
