The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
