Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
