I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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