We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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