so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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