Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
