i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
