gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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