today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
