uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
