Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
where are you?
Hypothermia
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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