Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
