Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize