i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
