i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
