I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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