I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
