Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
