Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
