Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
