I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
