Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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