So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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