just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
