He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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