ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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