I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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