real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
