I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
