He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
